She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
