did you get engaged???
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
