Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
