so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
