well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Too much gin, very little bucket
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just invented taco cereal.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize