there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
