maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
