i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
