That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
