Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
