okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize