sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's like heaven, but drunker
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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