so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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