i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
