At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
