so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
