I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
