he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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