In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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