It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
