people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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