i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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