if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
