i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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