I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
