I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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