I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize