and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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