She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
