I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
