i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
