Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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