We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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