Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
