i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
