Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He passed out mid-signature
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
