I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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