Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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