ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
soo... how was my night?
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