I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
