If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize