i wish semen tasted like chocolate
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
