tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
