You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
