3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize