It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Randomize
