I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize