I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
