I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
