I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
