some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
