I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize