Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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