I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
