you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
