A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
