I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
