So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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