he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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