Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
