I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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