SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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