I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
