Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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