idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
