I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
