Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
