So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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