I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
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