you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
