if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Randomize
