My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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